His bark is bigger than his bite

My fur baby, Jack, is my pride and joy. He’s a beautiful, 65lb Australian Shepherd.  The love I have for him is immeasurable and slightly abnormal.  He’s the perfect dog.  Well, in my eyes he is.

He is extremely protective of his family and having two children I find that to be a major plus. He has a loud bark, which scares solicitors and religion hawkers clear off our porch.  It’s great because I used to simply say “I’m Catholic” and that would put an end to the Bible preachers, but now Jack does the job. My husband is less impressed with Jack but agrees that his ability to catch a Frisbee is pretty cool.

His bark is strong but is he as tough as he claims to be? We found out one afternoon when my brother-in-law came over and instead of ringing the bell, he wonders in the house through the back door.  This would be Jack’s moment to defend his family at all costs.  This is going to be ugly.  A long hospital stay will definitely be required.  Will homeowner’s insurance cover this? As the back door opens and a man that Jack was not expecting enters our home, Jack proves his fierceness.  He cowers and urinates on the kitchen floor.  Of course his fear turned to excitement and joy within a millisecond when he realized who the intruder was.  Ok.   No big deal.  That was a fluke.  It happens to me all the time.

Fast forward a few months and my husband’s best friend comes over. Doorbell rings. Cujo barks.  Door opens.  A big, strange man is at the door.  Jack is going to redeem himself.  Never mind.  Jack cowers and falls to the floor in utter submission.  Something is not adding up.  This is getting embarrassing.

Fast forward again. My husband, Mike, was painting the shed in the back yard.  He was wearing his baseball hat and his sunglasses.  Not his typical outfit.  I go out onto the deck to see how it’s going and naturally Jack follows me.  He sees Mike and begins to bark ferociously.  What is his problem?  It’s just Mike.  Then it dawns on me.  He can’t see Mike’s face.  He doesn’t know it’s Mike!  Mike then makes eye contact with Jack who is visibly angry and barking louder.  This is not good.  My dog is going to maul my husband.  Now I’ll have to choose between them….will homeowner’s insurance cover this?  I see Mike walking over and I know he is going to calm the dog.  Think again. My husband goes into full sprint, towards the angry dog and mocks him by barking loudly.  So Jack does exactly what I feared he would do.  He runs away from the “stranger” barking at him and hides behind me.

Our dog is defective.

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3 comments

  1. Kim K · March 4, 2016

    The last line here made me laugh out loud. While I have cats now and have learned to love them dearly, I’ve grown up always have dogs around. And big dogs too. Jack sounds like a perfect gem!

    Like

  2. hela124 · March 4, 2016

    Hilarious! I almost fell out of my chair when I read the part about your dog peeing on the floor! “This is not good. My dog is going to maul my husband. Now I’ll have to choose between them….will homeowner’s insurance cover this?”
    Including your thoughts really makes this piece humorous!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Robin · March 4, 2016

    I had to laugh at this! I have two small dogs. They bark at all the right things. And everything else too. But, they also try to attack. The stranger…no big deal. The brother in law…we have all wanted to. But the husbands friend…that’s embarrassing for sure! I think I’d rather have the puddle on the kitchen floor than Kujo. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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